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The Thing About Cheese

January 5, 2010

Since mentioning on Plurk that I only eat lasagne if it comes without cheese (it never does, therefore I only eat homemade!) I have had a few people treat me as if I grew another head ask me what this is about.  Please allow me to (try to) explain!

Here’s the thing:  I have a rather…odd…relationship with cheese.  That is to say, I do not dislike cheese altogether.  Nor do I passionately love cheese, like a knowledgeable connoisseur of fine wine…only with, well, cheese.  Give me a lump of mature Cheddar and I’m happy.  Grated, sliced or in a stick, in sandwiches, on crackers or on a cocktail stick with a bit of pineapple, I could easily munch my way through far more than the recommended daily allowance with no problem whatsoever.  So that’s one thing then, we’ve established that I like Cheddar.  Well, not quite.  Hang on a second.  When I say I like Cheddar, what I really mean is…I like cold Cheddar.  Yes, you did read that right.  For me to eat it, it has to be cold.

If you were, for example, to take the aforementioned lump of Cheddar, grate it and sprinkle it on some bread, I would be happy.  If you were then to pop that slice of bread – adorned with the golden flakes of yumminess – under the grill, I would be very, very sad.  I might even have to kill you.  The same goes for cheese on jacket potatoes, cheese and beans, cheese toasties – and anything and everything else you can think of.  Once the cheese heats up and dissolves into that disgusting, gooey lump of ick – that’s when I’m over the cheese thing.  I cannot stand the sight or smell of it.  I have tasted it on occasion…you probably don’t want to know how that turned out.

So, with Cheddar swiftly dealt with, what of all the other types of cheese and their various products?  All I can say is, I am very contrary!  I’ll give you a quick rundown…

I WILL NOT eat:

  • Any type of cheese that is not Cheddar.  Brie?  Camembert?  Feta?  Pass the sick bucket, please.
  • Cheese sauce.  Now you know why cheesy lasagne is out!
  • Cheese biscuits, cheese hearts, cheese straws, cheese scones, cheesy crisps (exceptions below), cheese and tomato bread…you’re probably getting it by now.
  • Processed Plastic cheese.  The first time I tried a cheeseburger at McDonald’s I was about 8.  It was the last time.
  • Cheeses that are apparently ‘real’ but have that ‘plastic’ quality – you know the ones I mean!
  • Cheesecake.  Any other dessert containing cheese.
  • Anything I have forgotten to mention that does not make an appearance on the ‘will eat’ list (below)!

I WILL eat:

  • Cheddar (cold, as mentioned above);
  • Pizza – four-cheese is my favourite.  Yes, I know it’s melted cheese.  Yes, I know that individually, everything cheesy that goes into a pizza is on my ‘will not’ list.  Your point?
  • Wotsits, Quavers, Cheddars – they are the only cheesy crisps I will eat.
  • Anything I have forgotten to mention that does not make an appearance on the ‘will not’ list (above)!

So there you go.  The thing about cheese.  I have no idea why I have such a strange relationship with cheese.  It’s not down to me.  Blame my taste buds – they’re the ones who object!

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. January 5, 2010 18:28

    Wow. I am boggled. My love affair with cheese has survived my gastric bypass surgery. My life would be so very sad without it. My bf has a similar issue with cooked onions. He loves them raw, but won’t eat onions if they are cooked because he says the texture is “slimy”. We all have our unique tastes and they make us interesting. Thank you for sharing.

  2. January 5, 2010 18:35

    You’re not odd, you just have your preferences! Besides, this means more cheese for the rest of us (though I also happen to like ‘cheese food product’ 😉

    • bubbleboo permalink
      January 5, 2010 18:59

      Even plastic cheese, or do you draw the line there?! I am very happy to leave the rest of the cheese for you. As long as I have my pile of cold Cheddar I’ll be a happy bunny! x

      • January 5, 2010 19:08

        Well… I like the stuff you get in individual plastic-wrapped slices at the store, yes 🙂 It’s what I was raised on, so I think that’s mainly why I like it. Well, that, and the convenience factor—the slices are just perfect for bread!

  3. January 6, 2010 02:25

    Daughter calls the “plastic” cheese “fake cheese” as in “Mom, you made these sandwiches with fake cheese, didn’t you?” I don’t use it very often. Wisconsin is the Dairy State, after all. It’s real cheddar or nothing.

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